


Temporary Bliss

by Navangely



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-11 00:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2045181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Navangely/pseuds/Navangely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto thinks it's all temporary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Temporary Bliss

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet was written more than two years ago and it was meant to be published but I never got that far. But you know what they say, it's never too late :)
> 
> Betaed by [halogens](http://archiveofourown.org/users/halogens/profile/). Thanks, hun!
> 
> Inspired by the song 'Temporary Bliss' by The Cab.

Temporary. One moment and my life is over. For you, whose guardian angel is Evermore, it means nothing. I'm just a blip in time and I'm not allowed to say that it hurts. You can't see that the insecurity is poisoning and eating me up alive. I hide behind my smile that sings about a whole world being closed with a wall built of denial. There's a way, a door into that land of pain, but I'll never let you find the key. Or rather you'll never look for it. You won't because then our relationship would step on another level you can't afford. This... What we have is just like me. A leaf, the wind's favourite toy. It's tossed aside, danced with, flown to the sky and thrown into hell.

You and me, we aren't about saying I love you. It's not about the confessions. It's physical with a hint of emotional breakdowns on the top of the cake. It's bittersweet. Sweet because I love the taste of your kisses when you fill me up, when our fingers are entwined above my head, when you make love to me hidden behind the dark curtain of the night. And it's bitter because you have no idea how addicted I am to you. Not because I love you so much, it kills me every day a little, but because you are my reason for living. You are my drug. You are unhealthy for me, you drive me crazy, you break me everytime I wake up alone in the morning, you affect my mind, my heart, my soul.

The icy cold that's been my company ever since Canary Wharf is slowly warming up and it's so strange to be able to breathe again. When I came back from my prison that was my own head and I saw you as my saviour, I knew that everything remained the same and I just could have stayed. What's the point if I'm lost again? I thought my memories were satisfied with haunting me in my nightmares, but I was wrong. They wanted me awake. And then there you came, killing Lisa, leaving me without a reason to hold on. Do you want to know why I find you and me so disgusting? I fell in love with the man that killed my girlfriend. Like a sick tragedy. And it's so funny because I know this and I know even more, but I don't care. I don't care because being with you is like playing in theatre. We wear masks, we never say what we think, we deny, we hide and we obsess. 

I know that you love pinning me down on your bed, not because you make me lose control, but because I do the same to you. I know that you love seeing your blood-coloured sheets hugging me, not because it means I'm yours, but because the red makes my white skin look like I'm not from Earth. It's all about the contrasts, right, Jack? It's never black or white. It's always the things in between. It's never life or death, because death is your old friend who lets you escape everytime there's a bastard sent by fate trying to prove that she's right and that there's no such thing as immortality. And you two just laugh and death waves, "Life is that way, Jack." I could hate you for playing with me like I'm a toy, like I'm a blip, but that's all I've got. As much as I want to whisper "I love you" to you after we became one and you lay beside me, holding me in your arms, not saying a word, I know our rules. Never say "I love you", because it would mean we can't live without each other and there's no time to think about what if I die and you move on. It's all just temporary, right, Jack? A temporary bliss.


End file.
